and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she smelled like a LAN party
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Still dying that you shit outside
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
