absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
