He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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