I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
