Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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