There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
