i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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