Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
