Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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