I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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