He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
