dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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