I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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