I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
