You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
