How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
