During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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