Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
