2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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