On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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