On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
