I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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