just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
