K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
