His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
