I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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