We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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