I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
