hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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