i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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