he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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