Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
