Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
