i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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