I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
