i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
