He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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