Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
