I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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