Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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