In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You don't make any sense
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