If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My ass is underappreciated
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
