Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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