I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
