They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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