maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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