see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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