Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
