Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
