that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
