I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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