apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
