Someone shit on the floor
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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