i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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