So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
