As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
