It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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