I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
