there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
