So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize