yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
