Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
