I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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