I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
