okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
