I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You pole danced in your parka.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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