so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
