I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
