Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
