Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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