WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
