Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
