My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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