im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
