no, he came in my armpit
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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