and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
