He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
