Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
