I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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