I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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