I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
