her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
its liver damage thursday
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
