I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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