is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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