Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
