He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
